21 Mar 2016


After writing, ‘8 THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING MARRIED TO YOU’, Babe of Life peeped into my study and said, “Hmm, I saw what you wrote on facebook o.” Ah! I have known her long enough to know what “Hmm, I saw what you wrote on facebook o” really means. So, for sake of life and limb, I meekly re-submit:

‪#‎8Yearsandstillcounting‬: 8 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BEING MARRIED TO YOU
1. That I can be awkward without ridicule and naked without shame. Forgive me. This is the reason for all the times I sporadically break into what I think is makossa. And for the unhealthy amount of time I spend in the same boxers every weekend. Forgive me.

2. That we are slowly evolving beyond the need for unnecessary talk. So, look at me now over any dinner table and I will tell you whether you’re saying: “I take God beg you, stop eating that thing as if you don’t see peppered chicken regularly”; or “I take God beg you, eat and pack take-away, because I am not cooking jack when we get home, you hear?”

3. Have I ever told you? Everything about you smells like perfume, even your morning breath. True. It smells like Chanel. And I love it!

4. Those nights when you are sleeping and I get to sit there watching you, yes, but not like Willy-Willy, don’t worry; just thinking – ‘seriously, how did a nerd like me end up with a top to bottom if you doubt it check the label complete chikito like you?’ You know? I like it. Those nights you wake up, and we get to lie there gisting – like friends, not lovers – in the darkness. In fact, I love it.

5. I feel safe enough to say these things, you know? I am afraid, I don’t know, I feel my life is spinning out of control. You know? You keep my secrets. Better still, you forgive me for having them at all.

6. The way we fight these days, not at all like before, when your mouth was Ogbunigwe, and my expertise was 7 days silence. Sometimes, I still ask myself - what the hell were we smoking? Trying to knock out the teeth of somebody you will wake up next week and try to kiss? What? Biko, I like the way we do it now, like boxers planning to retire without debilitating head injuries.

7. Our children. Sometimes, they smile like you. Sometimes, they frown like you. Sometimes, they sit there absent-mindedly singing, “oyigiyigi o o o’, just because they hear it blaring out of your car stereo every morning on the way to school. You see, I like the way they are beginning to resemble you, down to the same nervous break down at the possible sighting of a cockroach… In fact, I love it.

8. You are the color of our carpet, the paintings on our wall, the two armchairs that sit in a corner, straight out of a John Lewis brochure, but made for a fraction of the price by the local carpenter you found. Undisputed: you are the reason I live in the coziest, coolest, (never mind the buckets we have to put here and there to catch the drip when it rains), most beautiful house I have ever lived in. Undisputed: you are my home.

Happy anniversary.
(Ehm…please, can I come back into the room now? Biko. I will not post anything on facebook again without permission. Biko.)

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