9 Jan 2016

Hands & Tongues are more Agile than an Erect P*nis

A lot of readers have texted to find out how they would know if their girls’ groans and moans are staged or if their rapturous ravings are inspired by love and lust. To help some of the men along (they should find out) how many of the following tips by an expert can they say ‘no’ to: You’ve got the right attitude: You need three things to be a good lover:

Knowledge ,experience and the right attitude (performance isn’t measured by the hardness of your erection or the number of orgasms she has). But in all these things, attitude—in other words being open to trying new things, being enthusiastic and non-judgemental— is the most crucial. You spend twice as much time on foreplay as on inter-course: If you’ve stopped thinking of intercourse as ‘sex’ and foreplay as the stuff you’re forced to do before, pat yourself on the back. Intercourse needn’t be the main course, and your session doesn’t have to end when it’s over. Hands and tongues are far more dexterous than an erect penis.

Your ex-lovers admit you were great in bed: it’s the acid test: If you’re friends with your exes, at some point the conversation turns to, “Was I Ok? You can be honest now.” If an ex raves about your past performance, it’s a good bet she’s telling the truth. If more than three have waxed lyrical, award yourself super expert status. Even better if you’re praised for a signature sex move. Add more points if it’s an oral sex technique.

You aren’t offended if she corrects your technique: Nothing will annoy her more than you getting all huffy because she dared to suggest you do things differently. No matter how fabulous your technique, what works for Jane may not for Jessica. Instead of being offended, thank her for giving you direction.

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